As a coach, I have the privilege of helping clients become aware of what is truly important to them. Each of us has our own set of values that guide how how we act and often how we react. I am often reminded of that when a client is upset about a situation. When we talk about that situation and the clients’ feelings, and probe beneath the surface, we usually find that the anger, hurt or upset is due to a value ‘being stomped on’.
For example, a client of mine was recently troubled by an incident at work in which she felt her contribution was ignored. When we probed under the surface, what came out was that she didn’t feel respected, and I was able to remind her that ‘respect’ is a high value of hers. She respects others for who they are, for what they contribute, and expects, in facts, needs the same in return.
The simple awareness of this enabled her to breathe out her frustration and move on.
Often the value has not been articulated, but it can be unearthed by taking a look at anger or frustration or hurt, and ask what’s underneath that? What value is being stomped on, is not being honoured?
Can you identify a time when the heart of your hurt was a value stomped on, or not honoured?
How did recognizing that help move you forward?